Thursday, October 29, 2009

I can't believe it's been 4 Years......



It is so hard to believe it has been four years today that my beautiful little boy took his own life at the age of 13 years old. It has been a long road for me to over come my anger and resentment over this.. I would never wish my pain on anyone even my worst enemy. I miss Alex more and more everyday and no one can imagine what is going on in my head.. The could of's , should of's etc etc.. But I can't spend my life that way.. If i did I would be no goof to anyone or my other children who need me.. Anyway i wanted this post to be a celebration about Alex not a downer..

When Alex was born he didn't breath for the first 5 minutes because the cord had been wrapped around his neck, but he was a fighter and he was fine and he thrived. The song I called his song was " Little Fighter" by White Lion and it sort of became an anthem for him.. When I get down I listen to that song and i think of Alex. He was a happy little boy he loved everyone.. He loved his baby brothers and he loved being a big brother. My 6 year old Brian looks just like Alex in the picture above except Brian has close cropped blond hair and the both have the same smile literally at the moment, Brian's left front tooth ( the right hand side of the pic above) has finally come in and it looks just like Alex's smile above.. I thought this picture of Alex was perfect so I made this layout yesterday of him so I could feel closer to my boy. My son Brian tells me Alex is his angel now and since I brought Alex's ashes home Brian tells me he will look out for his brother now the way Alex looked out for him and his brothers.

I miss you Alley cat and I love you so very much and I always will. I just wish I could hug and kiss you, or here your silly laugh. You had the best sense of humor and the greatest laugh. I was truly blessed to have you in my life and to be your mother. Thank you everyone for allowing me to tell you just a little bit about my son. It helps that I can talk about him. My mission in life since this has happened is to make sure no other parent ever has to go through this pain of losing their child to suicide, I try to let people know what to look for and how to help. Knowlege is power if I had known what had been happening with my son maybe he would still be here..

4 comments:

Bo Bunny said...

Thank you for sharing this with us! The layout is just beautiful and I'm so sorry for your loss. I have a teenage son that we're trying our best to be supportive an encourgaging to him in the hopes he'll come a bit more out of his shell. Many hugs!!

angie gutshall said...

This is beautiful! Thanks for sharing your story. I pray for comfort and peace for you and your family. I also pray that you will use your knowledge to help others.
Love and Prayers!!

Cyndy said...

Thank you for sharing this lo! What a beautiful lo and a great smile to remember! Hugs to you for your strength! May you continue to heal!

Diana said...

Your layout if wonderful. I'm glad you blog your feelings as it does help healing. I'm sorry for your loss.